How Defining Your Values Can help Shape a Meaningful Life
A Definition of Values
We often hear the word values, but what does it mean when we say that we want to live our lives according to our values? Values can be seen as the guiding arrows for a life of meaning. They are the principles and hopes you have for how you want to show up as a friend, partner, community member, and overall human being. They reflect the way you want to interact with yourself, the world, and your relationships. We each have a unique set of values that shape who we are – and there are no right or wrong values. Not to be mistaken with goals, which are time-limited intentions or objectives that we put in place to accomplish and “reach”. Values can instead be thought of as the compass or arrow that directs us to where we want to go. Put simply, goals are the destination we intend to reach whereas values are the direction we choose to take to accomplish those goals.
Why Should I Care About My Values?
The values you hold impact your life. By living according to your values, you are more able to make decisions that fit the vision of the life you want to live. For example, if you value humour, you might want to inject your life with funny TV shows or relate to people who make you laugh. Or if you value integrity, an aligned action might look like staying true to your word and not being dishonest with yourself or others. Through acting according to your values, you are more able to make decisions that move you toward your goals, live a life of meaning and purpose, and develop into your truest most authentic self.
When Our Actions Don’t Align with Our Values
What happens when you don’t live your life according to your values? For example, when a person values honesty, but is keeping a big secret from their partner? Or when a person wants to be healthy, but doesn’t exercise regularly or eat a nutritious diet? Or when a person values independence, but they only make decisions after they get permission or reassurance from other people? The people in all of these scenarios might have a part of them that feels uneasy, irritable, guilty, shameful, or uncomfortable. This is because they would likely be experiencing cognitive dissonance; defined as the discomfort a person feels when their behaviour does not align with their values. This psychological phenomenon of cognitive dissonance is something we all experience from time to time – just because we know what we should be doing, doesn’t mean we always can. However, we can limit cognitive dissonance (when our values and actions contradict each other) by identifying our values and changing our behaviour ever so slightly to match those values.
What Do YOU Value?
To explore your values, follow the steps below:
Use this link to select the top 10 values that resonate with you (even if you initially connect with more than 10, bring the number down to 10 for simplicity). Feel free to add any values that are not on the list that you connect with and want to live your life by.
Define your values in your own words either by writing it out or having a conversation with someone you trust. What does each value mean to you?
Rate how satisfied you are with each value on a scale of 0-10 (0 being, “I do not follow this value and am lacking it” to 10, being “I currently live my life according to this value”). This rating will help you gauge which values you might wish to put more attention into.
Putting Values Into Action
Now that you know what your values are, what’s next? This last step is putting your values into action. To do this, you can choose three (or more) values from your list and translate them into a specific and achievable action step. Here are a few examples:
Value: Mindfulness
Action Step: Go on a walk this week without my phone to be present in the moment.
Value: Education
Action Step: Spend 15 minutes tomorrow researching school programs.
Value: Growth
Action Step: Reflect on how my breakup helped me grow and what I learned.
Value: Playfulness
Action Step: Go on a swing set this week at the park.
There is so much you can do with your values! This is just the start. If you’d like to learn more about how you can use your values to better your life and bring you towards a life of meaning, feel free to reach out to the Two Doves flock!
